Long Time No See

Heya everyone.....if there IS some idiot who's been frequenting this place in the hope that i would update it....
Well, i know it's been awfully long since i last published anything, and i'd better continue, cuz the last thing a writer needs is laziness/procrastination.
ANYWAY, i'm in IJC now and i LOVE IT!!!! :)
No SA or CJ for me...i'm happy and more than contented in this suburbian, friendly place.
Well, where do i start...i absolutely ADORE my CG (0741B) and we have loads of fun together...
Well i can't say that loads of things have happened, cuz it's like what i always say, plus i've probably forgotten a large percentage of it already or will leave it out when i write about it, so, um...let's try something else.
How about i post a poem i recently wrote while i think of things to say/write?

Grey skies, crescent moon,
Snuggled up under.
Hands, lips working feverishly,
In the dead of a night in winter.

A brush, a stroke,
Gasping for air.
Bodies moving in unison,
To a silent rhythm, without a care.

They had their time, once,
But it’s all collapsed in a flash,
All that’s left is the slow fire of passion,
To ignite a past gone smash.

The heavens cry out a protest,
And throw their staffs in anger,
But this rain dance goes on,
And the music grows stronger.

Deeper, and deeper still,
High up somewhere, it lies.
Answer to their desperate desire,
Everything they’ve known, it defies.

Shadows dancing in the moonlight,
Faster and faster the rhythm
Voices drowned in thunder,
And the long-lost treasure, it comes.

A wave of the past, it hits,
Followed by several more.
Shadows taut, chests heaving,
Reaching the start of another war.

NOW

Gosh, it’s been horrendously long since I last wrote…I keep telling myself that I will write, but I never do. Blame it on my genes…procrastinating genes they are…except when they made me.
Ok, I’m talking crap.
Well I’d like to say life has changed a whole lot since the last time I wrote.

1. I stupidly put SAJC as my first choice and CJC as my second, and MOE gave me neither but put me in IJC, which is ALL the way in Woodlands. My gran says that maybe the computer probably went bonkers and started from the bottom of my list. I agree…. computers always seem to fall apart when I’m around.

So I travel to IJC everyday, and cross my fingers, toes, eyes and every other part of my body I can cross, hoping that I’ll get into CJC (I went to appeal like an hour after I saw my posting results.) while all the other early morning commuters give me dodgy looks. Well I don’t blame them, I’d stare at a retard that crosses every part of her body and hums Beatles songs all the way.

2.Well now that I run EVERY morning, I’ve got leg muscles!!! Like, they’re HARD! And, and, I’ve got biceps too, cuz I do push ups and I can totally feel myself changing, all the blood rushing to various parts of my body in utter excitement at the action that’s happening outside. Ook, that wasn’t needed. Anyway, the point is, I’m exercising 100% more than I used to (I even play football with my brother whenever he asks me to) and I’m healthy and happy.

3.I have officially forgotten everything I learnt in secondary school, especially Chemistry, Physics, Social Studies and a large percentage of BIOLOGY, my favourite science. They wont let me take H2 Biology without taking H2 Math and I cant take H2 Math cuz I dropped Additional Math in Sec 4. Well, my bad, but STILL!

Oh well, it’s not as though I hate the subjects I take right now: Economics, Geography, English Literature and Math.

Economics is the COOLEST subject that ever existed on the face of this blessed earth. It’s so interesting and I’m TOTALLY in love with it. All the demand-supply graphs, PPC (Production Possibility Curve) and the laws for each. Gosh, It’s so interesting that I cannot put it into words.

Geography is totally cool too. We learn about population and Lithospheric processes and even though I haven’t taken Geography since Sec 2, I UNDERSTAND!!! I always knew Geography was my thing, and I STILL wonder why I did History in Sec 3 and 4 and failed all the way and ended up with a distinction in the end anyway. But then, I don’t regret it…. Adolf’s and my eyes met over the history textbook…
Ok, I’m going out of point.

Literature, as we all know, is my FAVOURITE subject. Nothing much to say on it, as once I start, I cannot stop. I just love studying English in its best form, the action, the dramatization, and the passion, all seen right before my eyes. It is the study of individuals and the story they have to tell. In a nutshell, it’s AWESOME.

And er…. Math is just…Math. You know, logarithms, functions and all that s**t. I wish I didn’t have to do it, but then since I didn’t so A Math for O levels, I’ll have to do this now. I’ll try to be positive. –smiles weakly-

Aaaaaaaaaaand that’s the end of my entry for today.

YOU

Everything happens for a reason. Yes, even the sad ones…. my theory is that they happen to make you realise you weren’t all that great as you thought. It can shred your heart into a million pieces, seeing your expectations, hopes and dreams just crashing down all at one go, but life goes on.
Oh yes, it goes on.
Well I should thank my circumstances, really for making me realise all these things; that I’m not as smart or whatever as I thought myself to be. SAJC? Oh please, that’s for high achievers…people like me should be stuck in…. in the bin. Haha. I cant believe I’m laughing through it all, but to all those who told me I was crazy to want a PhD…well, I kowtow to you…you were right.
I guess I actually deserve less, seeing how much I slacked during all those night study sessions, hardly doing a thing except laughing and talking while all those around me revised almost religiously.
Yes, I was playful.
Yes, I was dumb.
Yes, I was lazy.
Yes I was stupid…hell, I still am.
Yes, I deserved less…I was so rude to so many.
Yes, I know you’re not proud of me, but neither am I.
Yes, I am all of the above and more, and thanks for pointing it all out one by one. You are my idol, my saviour. You showed me the light when all I saw was only darkness. You led me to the door when I got lost. You are the greatest, the best, the only one I should have ever listened to. You are my---.

THANK YOU.

Ghost from my past

It’s been almost a year,
Since you and I,
One another saw,
And though I try,
My mind I can’t withdraw.

When I look through
My diary, my pictures,
It’s your face I see.
A series of images, blur,
Now my hands are icy.

You still linger,
Haunting me daily,
Driving me insane.
Caressing my face fondly,
I try to hold on in vain.

Even if I looked up now,
I’d see you smiling,
Motioning me to join you.
The urge I’m battling,
Your ghost, to eschew.

Once you promised me,
When you’d faded away,
Your soul would keep me company;
You’re always at my doorway.
But alone I must be on this journey.

Our souls will always,
Beautifully be entwined.
We must get over, be steadfast.
After all, you’re now part of the skyline,
A mere ghost from my past.

People

Sometimes, people confuse me. Society as a whole confuses me. I mean, we are told what not to do, but not what to do. We’re expected to do what is not wrong, but what proof is there really to show that the right is really right?

Some people just piss me off like h**l, with their narrow-minded outlook on life and their insistence on certain things. They go on and on about what is right and why we should do it, but they’re too stupid to realise that their values might not exactly be right at all.

For example, think about the use of contraceptives. To some, it is right and normal, but to others, it’s wrong. This is how things work. What seems right to us may seem wrong to another and vice versa. So, it is pointless to argue over whether something is wrong cuz there’s nothing that’s ultimately right or wrong. Everything has its pros and cons and I get so annoyed every time people think they’re always right (yes, I do get annoyed with myself too, cuz I can be a total know-it-all sometimes.)

I know so many people have said this, but the really sad thing is that some people still cant get it into their bl***y heads. Ok, I’m really pissed at the moment and this entry seems like a total b***hing session or something.

Sorry, readers, but this is an issue u HAVE to address or it’ll get bigger and bigger and eventually explode into a million pieces ad I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want me to explode or something, right?

Anyway, I think some annoyingly narrow-minded people should go and reflect on their values and words before they actually start speaking because everything that comes out of their mouth is totally trashy. They think they know everything but actually they don’t, and I’m so annoyed I’m not gonna say anymore and make myself angrier.


Shiny blade, against skin
Tiny incision, just a prick
Bright red spots, staining
Nervous lip licks.

Noises and curses,
Pounding in her head
They will never cease,
It started when they wed

Looking down at hands,
Blade descends upon skin.
Yet another mark of life,
Her head it spins.

More swears, screams,
The front door slams,
The sound of his footsteps fade,
Damn, damn, damn.

Eyes strangely dry,
Blood drawn with hands
Working fervently, in the dark
Face obscured by wayward strands.

Confused, hurt, angry
Hidden in her sanctuary,
She cuts her way through life,
Her escape from reality

Shiny blade, against skin
Tiny incision, just a prick
Bright red spots, no more
And so ends this epic

Nice people

You know, in my previous entry, I said how we shouldn’t be so nice to others…. I think it’s time I take some of it back.
Sometimes, someone being nice to you can change your mind. Let’s say it happened to me like it did to Scrooge. I was standing at Dhoby Ghaut, willing the skies to stop pouring for a bit so that I could cross the road to the bus stop, but nth like that would happen.
I was wishing that I had brought an umbrella when this middle-aged man whom I’d have usually dismissed as a pervert approached me.

“ Heavy rain, eh?”
I nodded.
“ It usually rains a lot at this time of the year, and then decreases around March.”
I nodded again, wishing that he’d leave me alone to my thoughts.
“ You’ll never get home if you stand here waiting for it to stop. Come on, you can share my umbrella. You’re crossing the road, right?”
“ Yeah, but I’m not going into the mall, I’m going into MacDonald House, to that bus stop.” (Was trying my best to drive him away.)
“ Oh, I have no problem with walking you to the building, and then going back. Your parents will worry if you stay here waiting for the rain to stop.”

I was just so shocked and all I could do was nod vigorously, wondering what a nice soul he was.
Then the traffic stopped, and the green man came on, so we walked together, and halfway across, it started to flash and turned red. A motorbike came speeding, and he pulled me away from the road by the arm and I was marveled at his niceness, if there’s such a word.

He escorted me all the way to Macdonald House and then said bye and left, and I was almost in tears. No member of the public has been so nice to me before, and this was just so touching.

Singaporeans aren’t usually so nice because,
1. We’re just too caught up in our lives, and
2. We’re afraid that the other person would take us for a child molester or mugger.

The fact that this man was so nice without caring about the fact that I might report him as a paedophile who’d try to molest me just touched a soft spot in my heart.
Very few people are actually nice these days and even fewer can be trusted…I’m glad it was raining that day because it helped me to change my perspective of the world and the people living in it.
Sometimes it’s the little things like this that convince us that the world is not such a bad place after all. Old man, wherever you are, thank you so much for showing me the light. You definitely made my day. (=

Some people

Sigh, we started lessons today…. GEOGRAPHY and LITERATURE sound great so far.

My brother just got me thinking. He was complaining about how they got homework on the first day of school.

Let me tell you a little about that little monster that can be a real angel sometimes. He got into ACS (J) by PURE LUCK, and as a result has it easy all his life. He’s also the laziest guy on the surface of this earth. He NEVER studies or does his homework. (Did I also mention that he can do Amaths?)

Looking at him and hearing him complain made me think about a lot of thing. I just realised how some people have it easy. Look around you, how many good people are actually happy and lucky? Compare that to the number who are happy and lucky but don’t deserve it all.
Such is the irony of life.
It hurts me to see this happening all the time, and the worst thing is, the nice people are REALLY nice. They are practically angels. They are so painfully nice, helping any soul in need even though it might not be convenient for them. They work hard, have a great heart, and what do they get? Nothing.
Look at the ‘bad guys’. They do the worst of things, and they get away with it all. They roam around, being inconsiderate, lying, and basically being the bastards and bitches that they are. These are the ones who always get the great things in life and always have it easy. They are also blessed with either money or looks or just pure luck, and they go through life in total bliss, unaware of how f**king lucky they are.
Then there is another group…they are not exactly bad, but they are just lazy people who like to fade into the background and just simply want to float through life. We’ve all met people like them; lazy people who want to go through life without a single discomfort. And discomfort they never experience. No, they are usually blessed with brains and loads of luck that gives them the exact life that they want. And these people end up being apathetic and insensitive to others’ needs and suffering

It’s unfair. I say that the nice people should stop being so nice cuz they end up being taken advantage of. All the time. The ‘bad guys’ and lazy people always identify these people and manipulate the situation such that these nice people end up doing all the work It sucks, doesn’t it?
I wonder which category I fit into, but I’d rather not think about it for fear of digging up the old dirt. All I want to say is, nice people, please stop being so nice, cuz it’s just not helping. The world is a cruel place and you should learn some bad habits and manipulative strategies in order to survive.
I think I’m beginning to crap as a result of too much traveling and lack of sleep, so I shall end it here.Love all of you. :)